You think life is going along swimmingly; then you have those defining moments in your life that hit you like a ton of bricks. It's been a very long time since I've blogged about my journey. My journey has not ended, it continues on with peaks and valleys. Here's to continuing down the path!
One of my blog followers (my biggest fan) left this worldly earth the Saturday before Christmas. Words cannot express my sadness over losing my father, although his passing was not unexpected. Fourteen months prior, my mother passed away and fourteen months prior to that, my only nephew passed away. It makes one contemplate the cycle of life and what our legacy will be when we are gone. Reminiscing about my teenage years, which was the last major amount of time I spent living with my parents, I am grateful to have had parents who had so much trust in me and let me flourish in whatever venture I participated in.
My parents were both very social in our hometown and in their new hometowns in Florida and New Mexico; they cherished their friendships through their associations (Elks, church, choir; and yes, the local bars too). As my parents hit their peaks and valleys in life, those friends stood by them. As sickness started to take over their lives the past few years, they began to retreat and became more home-bound. It's incredible to see how quickly vibrant people can be pulled down due to sickness. The outgoing and social parents I knew so well had disappeared so quickly. I know it wasn't the way Mom and Dad wanted to live, but when you are in a deep dark hole, it's impossible to see any ray of hope.
Mom's unexpected passing in October 2010 left a void in everyone's heart; Dad's void was especially deep. Mom was the homemaker; I don't think Dad ever had to think about what he was going to wear since Mom always set his clothes out! Dad had to learn how to cook and fend for himself; all the while, very ill himself. I cannot imagine mourning the loss of your high school sweetheart while recovering from your own illness. Dad lived in physical and emotional pain every day and I am thankful he is no longer in that pain.
As I continue down my journey, I hold those memories of my parents and my nephew close to my heart. I use them to push me harder and keep me focused. I run because my Mom, Dad and Andrew can't. I get up for the 0530 class at the gym because my Mom, Dad and Andrew can't. It may be an odd (almost macabre) view; but I have to turn what has been such a negative in my life, into a positive. I know they would not want their deaths to destroy my life. I have to live on as a legacy of my family.
Writing this has brought up a lot of emotion today on this Good Friday. I wish everyone who is still reading my blog, peace and happiness.
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